In her shoes…
Did you know I’m the mother of a teenager?
It’s a tricky time isn’t it? I remember it well … thinking that I was totally alone & that my mother couldn’t possibly understand.
It’s true I know, I’m old & annoying & disconnected from the experiences of a teenager today but it really truly feels like ground hog day around here … it could be me.
I feel like it was yesterday … raw & real & very fresh in my mind.
I’m mucking around with stop motion … perhaps not quite as old & out of touch as I seem?
Edited to add: The big girl is fabulous. She’s not at all an angsty, stressed out teenager (yet?) but I’ve been thinking a lot about it & I’m working on something for school. Sorry if I came over all ARGHish. I’m not…we’re not. x
Tania
428 days ago
I’m pretty sure teenage karma has scheduled some revenge time with me in the near future.
(PS. I’m taking notes)
Kirsty
428 days ago
I’ll try to remember to jot everything down for you T. x
Nikki
428 days ago
I feel for you… and simultaneously dread facing that time in my own girl’s life. Hold tight, Mama and babe. You’ll get through.
Kirsty
428 days ago
She’s growing up good Nikki. So enormously proud of that kid. She’s got it going on…EMPATHY. Amazing really & something I’m sure I didn’t develop until my mid 20s. x
Christie
428 days ago
hope all is well with the big girl- she is ace
doubt you are out of touch, maybe that’s just perception, hers, yours..?
Kirsty
428 days ago
She is ACE Christie & amazingly good to her mum.
keepcatebusy (Cate)
428 days ago
It is a really tricky time – even for the nicest teens…so much changes – in every aspect of their lives and bodies…so completely understandable when they do go all angsty
xxxCate
(oh and is it just me, or are t-bar shoes the pits. They don’t bend and they make the worst sound on the flooraboards…why do they love them soooooo much??)
Kirsty
428 days ago
I did LOVE my T bars…but only after I’d scuffed them up on the concrete before the first wearing! My poor long suffering folks. x
Kylie
428 days ago
I’m so with you, Kirsty… I know I’m probably the most naive person on this planet but I just realised last night that my 14 year has secrets from me. I cried (not in front of her, obviously). I can feel her pulling away and something’s ripping in me at the same time. It’s so hard. My big girl isn’t overly angsty or whatever either (yes, “yet?”) but it’s that pull… Love and best wishes for your household
Kx
Kirsty
428 days ago
Straight back at you Kylie. x
Anne
428 days ago
Teenage girls (boys) are wonderful although it is one of the most challenging times for a family (mother and daughter). If you can get through the teen years with humour, understanding, love and a lot of patience, the rewards are fantastic.
Example, if they want you to take them somewhere that’s out of your way, an extra activity etc, have them help you with dinner or housework etc. It helps them learn that rewards come with work. Just a little tip here, get them to do the work before they go out, otherwise it can be hard to get them to do it after/later. 
My girls are nearly 21 and 18. No. 1 daughter has a slight disability which made it very hard for her as a teen. But she is now coming into her own and is a loving and compassionate woman. No. 2 daughter is in her VCE year which brings its own set of challenges. She is also turning into a beautiful young woman.
I suppose I just want to encourage everyone who is entering the teen years with their kids that if you put in lots of hard work, maintain a sense of humour, make time for fun, open you home to their friends, in the end it will be o.k. Sometimes you have to let annoying things like fashion, hairstyles, music go, untidy bedrooms go, then you have more leverage with the big things that really matter. We insist on treating each other in a respectful manner. Anger and frustration happen, it’s real and a part of life, but we have tried to teach our girls how to let it out appropriately and how to manage it. (Goodness knows it’s hard enough for us adults to manage our anger.) Teach them to problem solve, find solutions to friendship difficulties, to be resilient and let them know making mistakes isn’t the end of the world. I/we believe it is very important for them to be responsible for their actions both good and not so good. CONSEQUENCES. Yes, it’s an ugly word for a teen. With more independence comes more responsibility. They hate that one.
Your teens will frustrate you, anger you, confuse you, make you laugh and make you cry. You will look at them on one day and think how much they are maturing and the next day they will make you think the are 2 years old again. They will sometimes disappoint you but encourage them anyway. We are the best people to help them become fabulous, loving, compassionate, caring and responsible people that this world needs so much.
Oh dear I have rambled on, but I do feel so passionate about supporting our children through this often tumultuos time. It’s SO worth it
One more thing before I go, I’m certainly no expert when it comes to teen behaviour. I have sought professional help for some of the things we’ve encountered with teen behaviour as hubby and I just didn’t have the knowledge or skills to handle some of the issues we were faced with.
Thinking of you all,
Anne xx
Kirsty
428 days ago
Thank you Anne, for such a thoughtful & beautifully put post. Have no fear…I’m totally committed…parenting is my chosen career path. xx
Wendy
428 days ago
I want to say to Anne above: don’t worry about having rambled, I’m sure a lot of people will get a lot from that! I so agree about letting small things go and concentrating on the bigger stuff. I’m mum to 4 (aged between 18 and 30) (yikes!!).
They don’t all get the angsty stage – really! Two of mine did, one definitely didn’t and one …well, maybe a little. They grow through it with support and you love them anyway!
And then it begins again with grandkids!
I’m pretty sure you’re not as out of touch as you feel. Best wishes x
Kirsty
428 days ago
Really truly hoping for not much of the angst with the biggest. She’s out trail blazer. If we can grow her up with training wheels we’ll be well & truly ready for number 3…she’s going to be the one to watch
Maxabella
428 days ago
How quickly we forget just what it’s like to be a teenager. The angst, the turmoil, the at war with the worldness.
I do remember a little bit, though. I remember being very grateful for fences, even though I claimed I wanted to run free. I remember being very grateful that my mother hugged me every single day, even though I shied away and pretended to hate it. I remember cringing inwardly at myself as I let fly with a verbal barrage at my parents. I remember.
And she will too.
x
Kirsty
428 days ago
Mate! I really honestly FEEL like it was yesterday. She goes to the same school I went to & the place even smells the same! I loved being a teenager & didn’t struggle too much (though my mum would probably disagree). BUT even the little things seem massive when you’re a kid on the verge of being a woman eh? Thanks for your fabulous contribution. x
Posie Patchwork
428 days ago
I cruised through my teens, lots of sports, socialising & study. I was in a nice group of girls & that kept me out of trouble.
I remember my teens so clearly, now i’m a year off being an official mummy of a teen, i love that she has a nice balance of friends, sport & is getting the hang of all those high school assignments, different teachers with their own agendas/ personalities/ issues . . . all builds on your life experience.
First born girls have trouble being daughters, they want to lead, i truly believe that & i keep it at the front of my mind when my eldest challenges me, she’s a born leader/ dictator & thrives on ruling her siblings. She’s a gorgeous girl, every night ends with a hug & “i love you” even if it’s more an “i’m hear for you, when you’re ready”. Angst?? I’m quickly learning that she doesn’t hold onto the anger – they change in an instant, so you have to learn to let a whole lot ‘just go’ as they can’t even remember the horrible things they just said, the tone – oh The Tone & attitude!! It only brings you down, they continue on their happy day.
This is the moment i thought about when pregnant, babies were easy, the teen years, that is where i’ll hopefully shine as a mother. They need space, time & love, i just won’t tolerate rudeness, or FaceBook.
We all made it through in our different ways, i love tips from other mothers with teens – like how funding their social life can control a good deal of it!! I hope there isn’t teen karma, my sister has hell coming her way if there is!! It’s a journey, you’re doing an ace job with a fabulous girl. Love Posie
Michelle @ The Crafty Little Fox
428 days ago
Ahh teenagers. I have one teenage boy and one who in a couple of weeks off being a teen. Mine however is full of angst and moody. We hub him and cuddle him and otherwise encourage him but there are times when he is just gloomy gus. Other than that I don’t mind being a mother to teens. Life is an interesting mix and at times I think that I have failed at motherhood and he is the most ungrateful child ever. Then at other times he makes me so proud to see the young man that he is just realising he can be. Go boy!! Kirst you are not alone.
michelle
427 days ago
it sure has it’s moments. i just reassure myself that the overt method of asserting their independence at home is a test run for the outside world. they pull it out in a safe environment and tone it down when out and about.
Buy Design
426 days ago
Don’t you think it’s funny when you post something ‘not crafty’ and get lots of comments. I think it’s nice to see another side of the people I read about. On the teenage question, I have been there and still there. Eldest is male now 21 and stayed trauma free most of the teenage years. Middle child is 18 year old girl and the biggest drama queen around with lots of ups and downs. No 3 is my 14 year old girl and has the sweetest nature of all. She says she has learnt from watching tantrums from the others that it’s just not worth the effort. So from my point of view, it started a bit ropey but has got so much better. Best advice which came from my sister was to make the kids add me as friends on Facebook. The argument goes that it’s my internet which I pay for so if they want to use it I have to be able to see what they are up to.